The Love of Costco

Let's call this one a tribute to Costco. In fact, I think that I am Costco's number one fan (along with Jonny Carinos, but that is another story for another time). What is it, that drives a man 90 minutes away to shop at a store...when an alternative (Sam's clubs) is just five miles down the road....The answer is simple, well maybe not so simple, but clearly intuitive....Let me explain:

I am very familiar with the concept of white trash. I have been called that term many times and just as frequent been told that they are "my people". I guess it comes with the turf when my summer jobs included working for a car dealership, a construction company, and a HUD property management firm (I have obviously seen and heard things that would embarrass sailors and make your children cry). So where is this going....well I am trying to build your confidence that I can, better than most, spot white trash when I see it. It is the whole "It takes one to know one" philosophy. If you do not have this superior ability, take a trip down to your local Walmart (the hive as I call it). This is the easiest place to identify white trash...everyone you see fits the bill. Honestly, one time I entered a Walmart in Columbus Indiana (I am white trash after all) and the pharmacy was a plywood constructed Kiosk in the middle of the store. The only thing more white trash than buying drugs from a wooden box, is going to the local supermarket to have taxes done (Also available at your local Walmart).

But this is not an advertisement for Walmart, as I am definitely not their number 1 fan (As opposed to Costco, Jonny Carinos, and 9 Beans), this is a grievance about Sam's Club. On a side note, West/Lafayette Indiana have about 90 thousand people and 3 Walmarts.

So when we moved here a few years ago we were upset to discover that the nearest Costco was in Indianapolis. But having just been in a massive car accident and literally losing all of our possessions, we needed stuff. Naively, we entered the local Sam's Club. Strangely enough, it looked like a costco, the goods were the same as a costco, even the shopping carts were over sized like costco. But many things were different, and here is why Sam's Club is not the same:

1. The staff at Sam's Club seems to be promoted straight from the nearest Walmart. You know the little survey you get on the credit card machine (Did your cashier greet you today?). If you don't, time to go experience it. Well it seems that all Walmart employees who receive a 90% or better get shipped off to Sam's Club. So instead of seeing the reserved, well kept, college students who staff the costco, you get stuck with the most energetic and friendly mutants drawn from the biggest pool of white trash in the city.

2. Costco customers are usually the "family" or "business" type folk, typically complementing their bulk purchases with the occasional $900 outside clock that provides both the temperature and your horoscope. Usually the Costco shopper is not counting pennies to see if he/she can have the slice of pizza from the diner. Sam's Club, on the other hand, is Walmart on steroids. The Sam's Club shopper has a wad of $20 bills that he/she just received from the local payday loan center, a case of beer, and a box of EasyMac (Dinner for the next two weeks).

3. Nothing good comes from a green and blue store. If you can prove me wrong, please do so.

So, to summarize, although I am white trash, I prefer not to smell my own kind, and therefore, prefer to drive to Costco.